Random quotes

I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead. - Samuel Goldwyn

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell. - Aldous Huxley

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work. - Thomas Alva

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars. - J. Paul Getty

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go. - Oscar Wilde

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters. - Frank Lloyd Wright

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance. - George Bernard Shaw

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed. - George Burns

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. - Albert Einstein

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted. - Albert Einstein

There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life. - Frank Zappa

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning. - Aristotle Onassis

Black holes are where God divided by zero. - Steven Wright

Hell is a half-filled auditorium. - Robert Frost

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. - Ross MacDonald

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted. - Helen Rowland

640K ought to be enough for anybody. - Bill Gates

Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
- last words of Pancho Villa

We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
- Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks

Love is friendship set on fire. - Jeremy Taylor

Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
- Voltaire (1694-1778) on his deathbed in response to a priest asking that he renounce Satan.

If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens? - Seymour Cray (1925-1996), father of supercomputing

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down. - Jimmy Durante

An eye for an eye ends up making the whole world blind - Gahndi